How to Feel More Confident (without 'Faking it 'Til You Make it') - With Becky Mollenkamp

Tom Bailey, founder of Succeed Through Speaking, interviews Becky Mollenkamp.

Becky Mollenkamp is a certified life coach who helps women, femmes, and thems learn to use self-compassion to boost self-confidence so they can finally define success on their own terms.

Why you've got to check out Becky's episode:

- Discover how Becky helps clients who fake it until they make it when it comes to confidence. She helps ambition women who want to achieve their big goals without the stress of burnout.

- Understand the biggest challenges these business owners face around perfectionism and procrastination when they are facing imposter syndrome.

- Why passion and acceptance are critical when it comes to finding balance, achieving your goals, and succeeding in life and in business.

- If you are stuck in a cycle of self-doubt or imposter syndrome, you can get access to a free guide from Becky on the link below.

- Finally learn how Becky welcomes failure and the importance when it comes to growing as an individual and as an entrepreneur.

Resources / Links

http://beckymollenkamp.com/imposter

Transcript

Tom Bailey: Hello and welcome to Succeed Through Speaking the place for experts and entrepreneurs who want high value ideas to boost business results. 

Hello, I'm Tom Bailey. And in today's episode, I'll be getting to know Becky Mollenkamp, who is an ICF certified life coach, and is the host of the gutsy boss podcast. So Becky hello, and a very warm welcome to today's episode.  

Becky Mollenkamp: Hey, thanks for having me.  

Tom Bailey: No problem. And just I'm interested for people listening. Whereabouts in the world are you today?  

Becky Mollenkamp: I am in St. Louis, Missouri in the middle of the USA  

Tom Bailey: Fantastic and more from understand what, from what I understand, it's super-hot over there as well right now? 

Becky Mollenkamp: It's pretty miserable. Yes. We're at the point of summer where we're just a little too hot. 

Tom Bailey: Yeah. I'm sure. Thank you for sharing. And I'm going to share a little bit more about you before we do get started. So, having taken a quick look online, I can see that Becky's core values are growth, empowerment, and courage. And with these, she helps women, Femmes and them's to learn how to use self-compassion to boost self-confidence so that they can finally define success on their own terms. The title for today's episode is How To Feel More Confident Without Faking It Till You Make It. And Becky's going to show us how to do that in just seven minutes. So, question number one today is who are your ideal clients?  

Becky Mollenkamp: My ideal clients are people who are faking it till they make it when it comes to confidence. 

They're usually my clients I love to work with the most are sort of who I was a decade ago. They are smart, ambitious women. They're in their thirties. They've accomplished a lot for their age. But they're really getting to that point of burnout. They just don't want to keep chasing their dreams with the hustle and the stress, or they also don't want to give up on having those big goals. 

And so, they feel really torn. Is it even possible to continue to have success, to continue to achieve without having to burn myself at both ends?  

Tom Bailey: Yeah. Got it. And you talk about a lot of different challenges there, but what would you say is the biggest challenge that typically they talk about when they can start working? 

Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, I think the biggest one is that idea that there are no options that that really there's only two options, right? Either I do things the way I'm doing it, or I just have to give up on having goals and they're not willing to give up on having goals because they want to, it feels good. And so, they feel like if they want to go after those goals, that means that they have to keep doing things the way they've been doing it. 

And they're stuck in this really painful cycle where they set a big goal for themselves. Because that feels good. And then they hustle really hard until it gets to the point of being really overwhelming. And then they get caught up in a place of usually their perfectionism or procrastination and either way, it's a place where they're feeling really stuck and it's no longer feeling good going after the school. 

Eventually, they usually achieve the goal, but when they do, they're disappointed because it doesn't give them the high, the feeling that they thought that it would. And in some cases, because of all that perfectionism procrastination and the burnout, sometimes they don't achieve the goal they give up. And in that case, they usually feel like a failure.  

Tom Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. And I guess we've covered a lot of the challenges and impacts of these challenges for them. So given that, what would you say is one piece of valuable advice that you might give to somebody to really help them solve this problem and move.  

Becky Mollenkamp: And yeah, and I know like I have a minute-ish to answer these questions. 

So it's really hard to say, like, let's solve this problem in a minute. But so, where I'd want to start is the at the beginning of what I do with people, which is a pat compassion and acceptance, because usually when people come to me, they're all in a similar place, they have a story in their mind that. 

They other people have no problems achieving their goals and finding balance and having joy in the process. So, there must be something wrong with them. They're broken. They need to be fixed because they're the only one who can't seem to figure this magic out. Right. I want to tell people and help people come to a real understanding, internalization and belief that they're not broken. 

You don't need to be fixed. And so, to help with that since I can't really fix this, all right, now, I will tell you quickly, the way I do this work is usually about how helping people unpack all of the stories that they've been given, all the conditioning and belief systems they have that have gotten them to that point. 

We rewrite that narrative. What do you really want this to look like? How do you want to feel? And then we go. Place it like what tools will help you succeed as you go about it, because there will be challenges, but that starting point is the place of acceptance. And so, I'll make it three journaling prompts if that's okay, because I feel like the best way for me to use the short amount of time. 

So, what do you believe that you need to fix or improve about yourself and what makes you believe that? That's one just that unpacking of it. Where did that come from? And then asking yourself, when has blaming or shaming yourself create a change for you? And if it did, how did it feel? And if it did, how long did it last? 

A little from your thought there? And then finally ask yourself what might shift. If I could accept that there's nothing wrong with me. And I think that's a good starting place anyway, for self.  

Tom Bailey: Yeah. I love that. I love those pointers and I'm sure lots of people get a lot of value out of that. And, and the next question for me then is, do you have anything that you can give away or point people to so that they can get that resource that really helps them make this start? 

Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah. If you're stuck in that cycle that I was talking about of chasing your dreams in a way that leaves you feeling really awful. One resource that may be helpful is my inner critic workbook, which you can get. Like, I, I think you may have mentioned, or you were going to at Beckymollykamp.com/impostor. 

And it includes a lot of the tools that I use with my clients for helping them manage imposter syndrome. Because to a person, my really ambitious clients wrestle with that voice in their head that tells them they don't know what they're doing. They're not good enough and pretty soon everyone else is gonna figure that out. 

And so it's a great starting point for learning how to coexist peacefully with that voice.  

Tom Bailey: Yeah. Imposter syndrome is, is huge and that would really help a lot of people listening to this I'm sure. So go to Beckymollenkamp, camp.com stuck in pasta. I'll drop that link into the show notes as well. So, you can dive in and they can download that straight away. 

So quick question then for yourself, Becky obviously helps lots of people, but along your journey, what would you say is one of your greatest mistakes or failures that you've made either in life or in business. And what did you learn from it?  

Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, well, and I don't believe in failure as a concept. I have made mistakes. 

And I think you see what I'm saying then is that I subscribed to the idea that it's only a failure if you don't learn from it. So, I love that you ask what did I learn? Because everything that's happened to me that at the time felt like a failure, a quote, unquote failure, eventually. With enough time. 

Sometimes, immediately I saw it. Sometimes it took time, but eventually I realized that it was an opportunity for growth and I, so I welcome failure because I know it means I'm growing. And probably one of the biggest growth lessons that I've had was my first marriage that ended in a divorce. And that period of my life really helped me understand in a way that I never had before how important it is to live a truly authentic life and to not change yourself, to fit a mold or to do what you think you, you or your life should be.  

Tom Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Great, great lesson to learn and a great lesson to share with the listeners as well today. So, the last question for me then is what is one question that I should have asked you that all brings some great value to our audience? 

Becky Mollenkamp: I don't know that was it. That's a good question. And a hard one to answer, but I thought since it's hard to give a really value packed answer in like one minute, I'm thinking maybe some good book recommendations asking me what book would have been. 

Tom Bailey: Yeah, let's do that. Perfect.  

Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah. So I think I'll share three that I have found really powerful in healing is I've done my own work because like I say, I was my client a decade ago where I had, I had achieved a lot and felt really crappy. 

And so some of the books. Free myself from the shirts and from the hustle culture, our power of now by Eckhart. Totally. You belong by 70 Selassie and dare to lead by Bernay brown. They're all three books that I returned to and think are amazing. Resources.  

Tom Bailey: Love that. Thank you so much. And Becky, I'm going to end it there. 

Thank you so much again for your time today. I really appreciate you coming along and sharing such great value in such short time with our audience.  

Becky Mollenkamp: That was fast. Thank you. That was fun.